Thursday, October 29, 2009

So today I was at my girlfriend's house, and we finally decide to have sex for the first time.

We were gonna do it on the couch in the living room, but at first she's all nervous and says she wants to undress herself in the bathroom while I undress out here. So I'm like ok whatever, that's fine CAUSE I'M GETTING FUCKING LAID!

So she goes in the bathroom, and I rip my clothes off, and stand there waiting. And waiting. And waiting. And I'm like when the hell is she gonna come out? So I started getting nervous, like maybe she would change her mind, or maybe she was actually a dude or something.

The longer it took, the more nervous I got. What would I say to her when she came out of the bathroom? How would I approach her? Eventually I got so nervous that I couldn't hold it in anymore. I took a shit right there on the carpet.

I thought OH FUCK OH FUCK what am I gonna do? So I kinda kick it off to the side by the bookcase and hope she won't notice it. She finally comes out of the bathroom, and I was sitting down on the couch all trying to look cool. But she instantly smells the poop and looks around and sees it and she's like "OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT" So I try to play it off like the cool guy I am, and I say "What do you think it is, baby?" and I make a face like ;D

She kicks me out and I didn't get laid.

I am now home alone playing MGS4 on my PS3.

How was your day?